Friday, April 30, 2010

Making Up Emma

You never know when some good quality snark is going to sneak up on you and make you ruin your keyboard. I long for the days when good quality snark was available in abundance. Snark that was funny, but not mean-spirited. Snark that was born out of love and devotion.

I'd almost lost all hope, and then the skies opened and two angels fell from what I'm assuming is the TWoP that died and went to heaven. Imagine my surprise when I discovered that one of those angels was our very own Teresa - WWEPW regular, TV Land Awards Glee-Table-Hobnobber, Terri Schuester Expert and Substitute Teacher Extraordinaire.

I read this and laughed harder than I had in years, for this was the kind of fan-tastic writing I'd been missing. Thank you for renewing my faith in great snark, Teresa.

Please to enjoy Teresa's fabulosity.


I would like to take a moment to make a post wherein I whine about the craptastic makeup on Glee as of late.

Srsly. I'm sorry Emma, but you deserve to look as bright and healthy as you did in the beginning.

WHO IS GETTING PAID to make Emma look like a dying person?! She doesn't ever look like that anywhere but on the show, and only lately! And I know HDTV makes everyone look like they have Swiss cheese pores but this is someone really trying.

Observe: The Evolution of Emma

Pilot: Emma looks healthy and vibrant (srsly, they need to bring back pilot!hair too, it was bouncy and she looked awesome) and this was shot 1.5 years ago. She has minor fine lines like any normal person who doesn't live in LA but watch as they age the heck out of her in one year. Follow me:

Showmance----I loved her eye makeup here. False eyelashes FTW. She looked adorable. Subtle eyeshadow and a light pink on her lips always looks great.

Showmance (the chalk scene): she had a smoky, soft eyeliner on. And rosy cheeks. Again, looking alive and well.

She also looks good while shaking her proper little groove thang during the assembly.

Preggers: Again, soft rosy cheeks and minimal eye makeup, a very soft blue to highlight her sweater. She really doesn't need a lot to look good. Like her clothing, Emma's makeup is classic and clean.

Even while she buffs her strawberries.

OMFG lookit how hot Will looks.

K--focus. Her eye makeup looks fantastic here. Again, always soft, because Emma's bright eyes don't require a lot extra. The shading at the outer edges and the long eyelashes are so pretty and make her already-big eyes look amazing.

Vitamin D: This is where Terri comes into her office to pwn her. And Emma STILL looks like an angel, even when telling Terri she's a crap wife and Will deserves Emmalicious better.

And then we get to the Back 9, with the Madonna episode, where Emma looked like she was fighting swine flu while facing a firing squad:

SRSLY. You are about to GET IT ON with Will. And you looked diseased. WHY THE FACE GIRL?! I know you're scared but good gravy, there is no excuse for forgetting concealer! Especially with such a light color fabric, which can wash out a fair person. DON'T FORGET THE CONDOMS MASCARA.

Hell-O: She had a moment during the scene (where she wants to brush before kissin') where she looked good and healthy with a great pink lipstick, but that lasted all of 2 minutes. Then we got this:

I know Will kissed off her lipstick, but he wasn't kissing her eyes, too! Or did we just miss that part? Why is Will kissing her somehow removing all her makeup?! Learn to kiss, Will!

Jayma Mays does not look like that, ever. She's gorgeous. If she were in a competition between baby kittens, bunnies and happy smiling suns for most adorable thing on the planet, she'd win. IDK why Emma Pillsbury has to look like she's old and anemic. Someone fire give that makeup artist a stern warning STAT. I could do a MUCH better job for half that pay and I have better eyeliner (and after dealing with 5th graders all day I would welcome a career change). The Madonna ep was just one giant example of how important makeup is. I know, lighting and angles and blah blah blah. But makeup! I loves makeup. I hate to see it abused so badly when it did nothing to deserve it.

Bring back healthy Emma!


Rachel said...

That's 100% WIN right there!!! Love this girl!!

AmyB said...

bwah haah haahaahaaahaaahaahaa!
I think my favorite is "OMFG lookit how hot Will looks"

So true the snark!

Danielle said...

HAHAHAH! "Learn to kiss, Will!"

Teresa FTW!

Eliz said...

I honestly think it's the lighting more than the makeup (both of the examples were in heavy shadows, which aren't flattering to anyone), though I remember a couple scenes where the makeup was particularly aging as well. Not okay to take someone as adorable as Jayma and try to fug her up.

Love the snark, Theresa! I am all for healthy, you-just-want-to-pinch-her-rosy-cheeks Emma!

Nicolle said...

ahahaha! Teresa you are HILARIOUS! "Why is Will kissing her somehow removing all her makeup?!" LMAO!

Liz H. said...

hahahha <3 Teresa lol! I totally agree!! Jayma doesn't deserve to look like she's dieing!! Hilarious snark!

Eliz said...

Um, I'm sorry for spelling your name wrong, Teresa! I'm usually so aware of that! And obviously I know how to spell your name. Eep, sorry!

Sarahnargle said...

Even while she buffs her strawberries.
K- focus.


And yeah, Will, what, are you eating her makeup? No wonder she's afraid - so many germs!

Permanent Rose said...

Good. I'm not the only one who thinks Emma looks like she's been run over by an eighteen wheeler in these past few episodes...

But seriously, based on the emotional turmoil Emma's character is going through, the i-havent-slept-for-a-week look is actually quite fitting. Just think about it when you're anxious and stressed out--perfect make up and hair goes by the wayside. Just multiply that feeling by 100 and that's how Emma's feeling.

So whether or not the "look" is on purpose or not, it actually works within the context of the show.

Teresa said...

haha thanks guys! I'm glad it gave you a laugh!

Permanent Rose---I get what you mean, but I think that's the interesting thing about Emma, she has this AMAZING colorful wardrobe and great hair and is so cute and yet she's dealing with such inner turmoil. I take it to mean even the prettiest among us can be hurting inside.

Danielle said...

I take it to mean even the prettiest among us want BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAINS!

Sarahnargle said...

"I take it to mean even the prettiest among us want BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAINS!"

AMAZING. Currently dying. :)

Teresa said...

OMG ROFL Danielle!!!

Anonymous said...

Agreed. I did not think her make up was very well put together in the Madonna episode. I think the hair was tossed to give it more of a messy look for her being naughty and all. I did love Emma's outfit, make up and hair in the last scene from the Madonna episode. You know, the scene where she made the comment about getting her favorite shoes back. It would be fun to bring back her hair style from the pilot. It's nice to sometimes have change I guess.

Heather said...

Teresa - I totes agree.

Girl has a right to looking nervous, but srs, wouldn't you be lavishing on the mascara before giving up the v-card?

Anonymous said...

I find her new make-up refreshing (and I think she still looks great). Finally a person that looks like a normal everyday person like the rest of us, lines, wrinkles and pores. I am so tired of people supposedly in their 30s on TV without a wrinkle anywhere; its no wonder we all have an aging complex :-) Yay finally a women in her thirties on tv that actually looks like she is in her thirties!